As women get older, do some women pride themselves on having a man , taking care of a man, being his girlfriend, wifey, or baby mama? If so, why? Who are we before we meet the men we are so willing to put our lives on hold for ?
Unfortunately, I have suffered from a loss of self and would never point fingers at any woman for forgetting who she was or is before she met a man she was willing to sacrifice it all for.
After gaining my control back I realized who I was first before I ever met any man I gave my heart to.
I am first a daughter before anything, belonging to God, my mom and dad. I am also a sister, being blessed with an older brother. Being a cousin, niece and friend also played roles in my child development merging into an adult.
From these ‘family titles’ I learned the meaning of forgiveness, sharing, respect, love, honesty, morality and other attributes that contributed to who I was. These were a few internal assets that gave me function from external support.
As I got older I wondered what assets attributed to my social competency levels. Social competency refers to a person’s ability to get along with peers and is affected based on how a person views him or herself in front of family, peers, and society.
What was my confidence level in front of peers and did I have a social status?
Believe it or not as children we develop our social status from the tender age of two and above. From that point we make certain decisions that are going to boost our status to remain confident. We learn how to become social amongst our peers.
It’s important for children to establish friendships at a young age. In elementary school I was a social butterfly. Yes an extrovert ! Meeting new people was never an issue for me.
I understand that some people are introverts, which is absolutely wonderful as well. Even introverts need to establish a friendship or connection with someone who is their peer. It is essential for everyone to develop an authentic friendship/ connection over the course of their lifetime. But I am getting off topic here. The friendship topic will be for a later blog post.
Anywho, let’s get back to social competency!
A person also learns how to be competent by participating in hobbies, getting involved in a sport, and building their creativity in the arts.
I became competent in dance, writing, student organizations, the media arts, and school. Through these competencies, I found my passion and desire.
Sometimes in life your passion and desires change, but in order to grow in life one must find what attracts his or her soul— other than a person.
Even though I had a high competency level in dance, I did not have the desire to dance my entire life. I danced because I fell in love with music. Music was what kept me moving and eventually music brought out my love for writing
I didn’t know any of this during the time but I had developed positive coping skills to help me move forward in life by re-developing what gifts and skills God had already blessed me with after being involved in failing relationships.
Media, dance, music ( though I’m still learning how to play an instrument ) , and writing were and still are my go to’s. As a child , I would write when I would fight with my parents or feel like I was lonely. Not run to a boy .
There wasn’t any “man” in sight yet other than my dad, because “boys” were still annoying. Sports weren’t really my thing. I played basketball for a while, but I sucked so bad. A ballet dancer and hoop star just don’t mix . Well atleast not with me.
I also tried track in high school, but I never understood the point in running fast to make it to the finish line. I still don’t get it , probably why I never worked at ‘Finish Line’.
Ok probably not funny either but you get what I’m saying.
Radio, student organizations, and dance gave me life.
Then here came this lovely thing called ‘puberty’ and the whole game switched up. I began to go ‘boy crazy’ and my mind and body was changing.
I developed a shape and went through an awkward stage of loving my body but not understanding it, as well as my horrible phase with acne.
I often times felt like I needed a man’s attention and approval to feel good about who I was. I can’t imagine how bad things could have been if my dad and uncles were not in the picture.
Although my dad has always been in my life, I still had issues with my dad understanding the woman I was becoming. It’s hard for all fathers to understand that their little girl is growing into a young woman.
My dad struggled with protecting me from all the wolves out there that wanted to devour me. As a father, a dad may talk to his daughter about how men are but that doesn’t always stop her from venturing out on her own to find out.
My dad and uncles could tell me how things really were in the game, the kind of man they were back in the day compared to now ; good or bad, and continued to shower me with unabiding love, but I wanted that love from the men I had given my heart to.
The moral of this extremely long blog is to get women to understand that you are more than a mother, more than a wife, more than a baby mama, and more than what your job occupation says. Hold on to your heart, be passionate, and go hard for you! Find out who you are without always having a man?
Find your niche, build on top of it, plant seeds, water your grass, and watch it grow. If you lose sight of what kept you happy before you met him, you will forever try to find that within him and baby girl it’s not. Then you’ll run from man to man.
We have to understand that God provided that man and God can easily take that man away if we make that man our idol. Your man should never come before God or your self love.
Notice I said self love and not selfish love. There is a huge difference between selfish love and loving who you are. Selfish love only thinks about receiving the benefits from that person.
Some women believe they can beat a man at his own game. We’ve been brainwashed with the idealizations of media and society that ‘two can play that game’.
It’s never a woman’s job to play a man’s game… why? Well, because we have our own game. In self discovery, you will find all the roles and moves as a woman you can make , if you hold on to Christ.
A woman has to go through a restoration stage in her life in order to find a new self of truth. Regain self control and self confidence.