Don’t Get Married If You Aren’t Mature

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Marriage is work! How do I know?

I live in a household with married parents, who have been married for 22 years and been together as a couple for 24 .

Not a day goes by when I don’t question if I’m able to handle the commitment of marriage one day.

There is so much submission that takes place. There are times when my mom will just let my dad do all the talking and arguing , while she just humbles herself by being quiet.

Not based on control, but just because in her 22 years of being married to my dad she has learned the art of picking her battles wisely. In her eyes somethings just aren’t worth the fight.

My dad has also learnt  the art of submission. He submits to God and also to my mother. If a potential argument can be avoided by just doing what needs to be done around the house, my dad does it,just to keep my mom happy.

Ever heard of the phrase, happy wife, happy life?

Most men wouldn’t consider this submission, but it is.

I have learned that women submit by listening, while men submit by their humility in leadership.  Marriage is for the mature!

For those who are looking to get married or who are married, this is something that takes practice and patience.

Recently  Monique did an exclusive interview with  True Exclusive and shared more insight on why she continues to  indulge in an ” open marriage” with her husband of 9 years. 

monique-and-husband-sidney-hicks

Twitter , instagram, and facebook went crazy once Monique spilled the beans that she gives her husband “Passes” to cheat , last week.  However this is not Monique’s first time sharing with the public that she is in an open commitment with her husband.

Just a week prior the internet broke the controversial story of  Toya Wright, Lil Wayne’s baby mama, giving her estranged husband Memphitz “a 8 day hall pass” to cheat. For those who are unaware, Toya and Memphitz have been having marital problems for quite sometime now.

Sources stated the reason for Toya and Memphitz marital issues is due to Toya not being the supportive wife  Memphitz so desperately needed .

 Once the abuse allegations of his relationship with K Michelle surfaced, Memphitz wanted to go on Love & Hip Hop Atlanta to try to clear his name and tell his story.  

There was a down spiral of the couple’s relationship after that news broke.

So why would Toya or even Monique decide to give their  men “hall passes”???

Contrary to popular belief it was Monique,  who suggested an open marriage to her husband.  

Monique, who met Sidney at 14 said,  

“…when you’re with your best friend and you say to your best friend ‘I’m having these feelings about this person, sexually and I wanna share it with you’.. when you’re best friends, you can have those open and honest conversations,” she stated in the interview.

As humans one of our biggest challenges while being in a relationship  with someone or being married is fighting against our lustful flesh.  The flesh wants what it can’t have.

It is also important that couple’s recognize that communication is truly the key to building a successful friendship inside of the marriage bond.

Because your spouse should be your best friend, open communication should always be established. The two should work together as one.

Unlike Monique, Toya is undergoing a divorce with her husband Memphitz. The couple has been separated for nearly 9 months. ” We’re moving in two different directions”, she informed to sources.

memphitz-and-toya

“As far as the hall pass thing goes, I felt like I was already at the friend zone with Mickey . We were moving in two totally different directions, so go ‘head! Do what you do. That’s what you wanna do. Because guess what? My focus is on my businesses, and my No.1 priority is my daughter. You can’t get it together and it’s so much going on, I’m not about to be bothered with that. And let me set the record straight: That stuff never came about when things was all good”.

Hall passes on cheating never crossed Toya’s mind when things in their marriage were stable and going good.

From Toya’s statement, it suggests that she was tired of her marriage with Memphitz.

In marriage if you’re not willing to put up a fight in prayer and in spirit to fight for the man  or woman you decided to commit to for the the rest of your life , the marriage will slowly slip away.

Marriage takes work and fight! One movie that I think everyone who wants to get married or who is married should see is “War Room.”

Many times people get married forgetting that marriage is all about compromise, sacrifice, friendship,  submission , trust, honesty, but most importantly  enforcing a God loving and holy foundation.

You can’t build a healthy home off a superficial foundation. Every spouse should be praying on the behalf of the other, that God sustains and blesses the covenant. 

Marriage is sacred and divine. When looked at from God’s perspective instead of the world’s perspective, it can be very fulfilling. Your spouse shares a very intimate part of you, that no one else should be able to  get to.

When asked what is the hardest thing about being married, my dad shared, coming from two completely different families. Upbringing has so much to do with the establishment of two being joined together as one.

My dad explained that marriage is a lifetime commitment because you’re always learning new things about your spouse and it takes a lot of understanding.

Your spouse has needs and wants, and you have to understand where that person is coming from. Those needs and wants must be communicated.

My dad said, “if you’re not committed to a marriage don’t even think about getting married, you’re not ready for it.”

At the first sight of  trouble you’re ready to give up, you need to reconsider why you even want to get married.

The second thing that was brought up were FINANCES.  “Never marry a man with no source of income or who does not work”, said my daddy. It’s setting yourself up for failure, even if you do make more money than him being a woman. NO WOMAN SHOULD BE THE ONE TAKING CARE OF A MAN FINANCIALLY IF HE IS CAPABLE.

I stumbled across a photo that gave “The Best Explanation of Marriage”.

The picture derived its message from Genesis 2:24. ‘This is why a man leaves his father and mother and becomes attached to his wife and they become one flesh.

Check it out below!

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What are your thoughts on marriage? What are your deal breakers!?

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