Yes breaking up is hard, but moving on is even harder. Seems like everyone is dating everyone. There’s no sense of monogamy and everyone tries to cover up who they really are before letting anyone in. Let’s face it , dating someone new and starting over is not the easiest process and can sometimes feel as if you’re a hiring manager at a corporation.
When trying the whole ‘dating thing’ out again , many people who have came out of a relationship that was filled with distrust, uncertainty, unhealthy communication, bickering, lies , and dysfunction are very hesitant about jumping full force into the dating game.
I asked a group of young ladies in their 20s and 30s what did they think was the hardest part about starting over and dating someone new. The responses I received back included, having chemistry, not thinking about the past, getting to know someone else’s past and being willing to accept it , discovering whether or not the person is worth their time or is genuine , starting over and not knowing if the outcome will be like the last, finding out likes and dislikes, trusting that he’s not just a rebound and learning all about this new person’s flaws.
Getting back in the ring and dating can be a pretty intense and scary feeling, even if it is you just dating a friend.
The biggest concern is ‘TRUST’. Can you trust that the person you have built a foundation with isn’t going to do the same damage or hurt that you just left out of?
We all know that in the beginning everything is great! It’s the honeymoon stage, but somewhere down the line things change, and sometimes it can be for the worst.
It takes a lot of forgiveness, self healing, being made new, and trusting yourself to not make the same decisions you made with the last person who left a pretty nasty internal scar on you.
Most importantly in the process of dating someone new, you have to begin to trust that you have learned everything that you needed to learn from your past. This dating experience is new and will not be filled with the same lessons , if you have healed from those lessons in the past.
You have to first identify with some of the old patterns to make sure you are not repeating the same vicious cycle that caused the old dating relationship to fail.
Having open and health communication about anything that’s bothering you and about your insecurities is very important when dating again. You are the only person that knows you best, so you must communicate all boundaries, good and ill feelings, pet peeves, and insecurities early on.
If the new person you are dating does anything to you that violates those things you mentioned, he or she does not respect the communication and the boundaries you have for yourself. You are now being shown that person’s true colors, so don’t repaint them.
Yes you may get hurt , but we all take a risk everyday in our lives when it comes to opening up to new people and being venerable. It’s not a weakness. The person who takes advantage of that and intentionally hurts you because of your venerabilities is the weak one, not you.
Give yourself sometime, while also taking your time! And help your new dating partner know how they can help you build trust.