By Bre Nicole
Photo Credit @pimages
In your season of waiting it can be very tempting to go back to the same people and things that left you damaged, broken, in pain and confused. We want immediate results when receiving healing and forming new relationships with new people.
Because of this, it’s easy to fall right back into the trap of settling and fear of being alone.
Many people will never leave out of their messed up ‘situationships’ because of familiarity and comfortability. I was one of those people.
The unknown can be a very scary and dark place to walk into. That’s when your faith in God has to increase even more.
If someone isn’t nourishing your spirit with good qualities and enhancing your mental and spiritual growth, what is the point of having them in your life?
Allow God to work on those people , while He works on your healing process.
For me I honestly cannot be with anyone who does not add growth to my life whether it’s spiritual growth, physical growth, financial growth or mental growth. I need someone who will always stimulate my mind and bring good qualities out of me that I didn’t EVEN know existed!
As humans we want to be loved by other humans so bad; having that feeling and sense of belongingness.
I remember writing a poem called ‘My Only Gift Is Love’ for an African American Art & Literature course at Western Michigan University. I didn’t realize how much truth the poem held until reading the book ‘Love Is Letting Go of Fear’ by Gerald G Jampolsky.
The book has helped me understand that Love and forgiveness is our only being and essence of life. Love and forgiveness intertwine with one another. Without forgiveness love cannot exist and without love, forgiveness cannot move in and win.
One of the hardest lessons that I had to learn was to let go of people that I loved who did so much damage to my self esteem, self confidence, growth, and spirit. I had to forgive them and myself and allow Love back in.
Jampolsky writes, “The world’s distorted concept is that you have to get other people’s Love before you can feel Love within. The law of Love is different from the world’s law. The law of Love is that you are Love, and that as you give Love to others you teach yourself what you are.’
When you give Love without expecting anything in return, it comes back to you ! Just like karma , love is a boomerang that never ends. Actually Love is karma for those who have been putting love out in the atmosphere.
In Part III of the book he goes on to say,
‘I was mistaken in believing that I could give anyone anything other than what I want for myself. Since we want to experience peace, Love, &forgiveness, these are the only gifts I would offer others. It is not charity on my part to offer forgiveness and Love to others in place of attack. Rather, offering Love is the only way I can accept Love for myself.’
I used to think that by allowing Love to grow inside of me and having the heart to forgive others of their wrongdoings that I was weak and would be taken advantage of by others.
But why wouldn’t I want to offer to someone the same things I offer to myself? I am Love, because love lives within me. Love comes from within! You have to remember that you are love and you have the power to give love to others.
Jampolsky says , ‘The problem, of course, is that nothing in our external world will continuously and totally satisfy us. Under the world’s law, we continuously search but never find. We frequently think our inner well is empty and that we are in need.’
When you search in material gain, pleasures, or in other people for the internal assets you are lacking within, you will always be unhappy and attract shallow people into your life.
Many people are so fearful of being alone, starting over, or accepting the truth of why they continue to enter into unsuccessful relationships, that they rather be in a relationship that kills them slowly. Love is not staying with a man or a woman you cannot trust, love is not allowing someone to physically, mentally and emotionally abuse you. Love is however allowing yourself to heal from that destructiveness and finding the strength to forgive.
I remember feeling so depressed in my dorm room my sophomore year of college because of being rejected by a man I had grown to love and care for. I wasn’t going to class or spending time with friends as usual. I looked sick and was losing so much weight, to the point that my friends kept asking me if I was on drugs.
I had just found out from a source on campus that the man I had spent a year getting to know and developed a friendship with was having a child with another woman. I didn’t understand why this man who would tell me everything at first, changed and was someone else I had never met before.
Well, he didn’t really change, I just saw his true colors but continued to repaint who he was because I remembered how he introduced himself to me. I was still holding on to that image and not taking anything for what it really was; face value.
I felt trapped, confused, and uncertain. He lied about who he was and I didn’t understand why. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t good enough for him to commit to or to tell the truth to? Why couldn’t he just love me for who I was and be honest with himself about who he was? But the truth was, I didn’t know who I was at the time and I wasn’t truly loving me for me. He definitely couldn’t give me the things I wanted if I couldn’t give it to myself first.
Jampolsky helps the reader take a deeper look into why he or she fails at this thing called love,’As a result, we are likely to feel trapped, limited, rejected, or attacked. When we are feeling unloved and depressed and empty inside, finding someone to give us Love is not really the solution. What is helpful is to Love someone else totally and with no expectations.That Love, then is simultaneously given to ourselves. The other person doesn’t have to change or give us something.’
I was looking for this man to give me love instead of offering more love out into the world and being at peace with myself, while still kicking him to the curb.
‘We then try to fulfill our imagined needs through other people. When we expect others to satisfy our desires, and they disappoint us, as they inevitably must, we experience distress. This distress can take the form of frustration, disappointment, anger, depression, or illness.’Jampolsky explains.’Through selective forgetting , through taking off the tinted glasses that superimpose the fearful past upon the present, we can begin to know that the truth of Love is forever present and that by perceiving only Love we can experience happiness.
‘Forgiveness then becomes a process of letting go and overlooking whatever we thought other people may have done to us, or whatever we may think we have done to others.’
We cannot learn how to accept authentic love until we give it to ourselves first. Be perfectly fine with who you are!
If you are struggling with letting go of past offenses, ‘Love Is Letting Go Of Fear’ is definitely a book that you may want to read. With over a million copies sold and downloaded, your thoughts and perceptions on life, love, and forgiveness will be challenged.
There are also lessons in the book that help you practice renewing your mind. One of the lessons is a daily challenge that poses the daily question of ‘Today do I want to experience Peace of Mind or do I want to experience CONFLICT.’
Check out why I am so fascinated by ‘Love Is Letting Go Of Fear’!